


Mistletoe

by farmgirl



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: 31 Days of Ineffables, Aziraphale is "just enough of a bastard to be worth knowing" (Good Omens), Crowley knows his plants, General, Holiday, Ineffable Advent, M/M, Mild Swearing, Mistletoe, Post-Canon, Pre-Relationship, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, some moaning about the evils of the modern holidays, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21638821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/farmgirl/pseuds/farmgirl
Summary: For Drawlight's 31 Days of Ineffables advent event on Tumblr.It's the first Holiday season Our Side has spent post Apocanope and it starts with a discussion about a certain holiday tradition involving a plant.  Or a weed.  See inside for details.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	Mistletoe

**Author's Note:**

> Me:"Cool! The first one is Mistletoe! That'll be cute..."  
> Muse:"No. Everyone is doing kissing fics on that, find something else."  
> Me:"Hmm, maybe I'll just wiki this-"  
> THIS STORY IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE WIKIPEDIA ENTRY ON MISTLETOE.
> 
> If you love the tradition of kissing under the mistletoe, do NOT read the Wikipedia page on mistletoe.
> 
> For the following prompt challenge:  
> https://drawlight.tumblr.com/post/188869931294/aziraphale-crowley-for-half-an-hour-youve-been

Day 1 Mistletoe

“I’m just saying Angel, how does a parasitic weed become the symbol of kissing, romance, and all that other romantic holiday rubbish?”

This is not quite how Aziraphale had envisioned this conversation. When he had hung this particular decoration he’d had wild ideas about ‘spontaneity’, mostly from the book one of his regular browsers in the bookshop had gifted him on relationships. He should have known better than to try to be spontaneous, anything of the kind was miles away from angelic nature. Or perhaps he should have consulted a book on plants instead of counting on the past 200 or so odd years of romantic traditions about it.

“I’m sorry, if it offends you so I’ll remove it.” He said rather stiffly.

“It’s fineeee Angel. If you want to hang a plant known to kill and weaken its host that people used to use as a symbol of fertility in some attempt to join the deluded masses in making it a symbol of love and romance,” the sarcasm dripping off the last two words was overwhelming, “go for it. I’m just saying, there’s plenty of plants out there that they could have used. Never understood why humanity thought that the one that drains it’s host of life and can even bloody well kill it was the height of romance. Unless they’re going for that ‘the only romance is when two idiots foolishly sacrifice their lives for each other' rubbish.” The demon contemplated for a moment. “Suppose it does fit most of humanity's obsession with death.” 

“I’d think a plant famously used for pranking others would be your cup of tea,” was the angel’s response. Aziraphale now studied the little branch sadly. Honestly, Crowley had not only successfully ruined his attempt at “spontaneity”, he’d also ruined his love of this sweet little tradition as well.

“Meh, the holidays have enough going on without adding parasites to the mix. Everyone pretends to be loving and kind until their relatives say the wrong thing or whatever they can get their greedy hands on ceases to be available. Half of the human race tries to be better, the other half being the worst they can. Bloody holy days making the influence of various churches spread. People even forget there’s more than one holiday around the same time of year. Not a nice time to…”

The demon blinked as the angel snapped his fingers, and made the branch disappear. He then strode off and began vanishing boxes of other decorations back to wherever they came from. (The bookshop’s rather abused attic, which held a variety of odds and ends that were only accessible by miracle) 

“Angel?” 

The greenery that had begun to be put up was rapidly finding it self put away, to its surprise.

 _Oh shit. Shitshitshit. Oh great job, well done you bastard._ Crowley berated himself silently as he scrambled out the chair he’d been lounging in with his mobile out and social media up when Aziraphale had started hanging the stupid little weed in the first place. The angel had been been sickeningly happy and practically glowing. The whole thing was a bit much and absolutely breathtaking at the same time. Especially for besotted demons hanging around because they had nothing better to do and no place they’d rather be. Sadly, as with everything he touched sometimes, he had to go and muck it up. 

“Angel, calm down OK? I’m not completely opposed to the holidays, I just don’t much care for all the baggage it comes with. And I can’t stand the fact people use a blasted parasitic weed that should be cut out of the host the moment it shows it’s stinking self to further all that romantic holiday magic shit.” 

Aziraphale whirled around and pointed an accusing finger at the demon. “You always do this though. You sulk about the happy feelings, the cold, and celebrate the greed and pettiness. Every year you’ve done this!” 

“Yes, well, Hell expects a bit of celebration of evil around these times Angel. Sorry if the habit has stuck. And it really is a miserable time of year...”

“This is the first year we’ve been on our Own Side, and Our Side is going to celebrate the holidays with joy and warmth and kindness.” Aziraphale was getting a steely glint in his eyes at this point. 

“Urgk. Aziraphale, for Somebody’s sake I don’t…”

“You don’t want to celebrate with me.” Oh dear Satan, Aziraphale was wielding those big blue eyes with all the skill of an angel who knows they have a demon wrapped around their little finger. 

Crowley threw up his hands in surrender. “Yes, alright, if you want to celebrate I’ll do my best to deal with it. But Angel,” He leaned forward and loomed a bit into the angel’s space. “No. Bloody. Mistletoe. I don’t care what humanity uses it for. Our Side is banning the use of parasitic weeds as some sort of romantic gesture. I refuse to let that stuff remain.”

“Oh very well.” Aziraphale beamed at the demon. “I suppose I can see your point. It really isn’t very romantic to suggest that draining your partner dry is sweet.” The angel hesitated for a moment and then quickly kissed Crowley’s cheek. 

“You know, maybe I should still start over and get the tree first instead! I wonder where I should put it though, they always shed so terribly. Couldn't you help me with that my dear?” The angel was moving off rapidly as he spoke, back to the demon so he hopefully wouldn’t see the angel’s rapidly blushing face.

Crowley was left standing under a wooden beam and the rather conveniently placed parasitic weed he was trying to get rid of with a scarlet face. 

_Bit of a bastard indeed._ He thought. He glared at the mistletoe. 

“You’re still going, you blasted weed.”

**Author's Note:**

> Crowley is not lying folks, he knows his plants. Mistletoe is a parasite, it usually kills the host if not removed. It has some good points, it may help birds find juniper berries for example, but it is mostly a parasite that feeds off the host with zero benefit.
> 
> Yeah, this story occurred because I was checking up on mistletoe and discovered it was a nasty little noxious weed. Poisonous to boot, it started as a representation of fertility(the berries are white and represent...what you think they do when talking reproduction. You know what I mean if you're old enough)
> 
> Sorry this got a little cynical, I'm an Aziraphale at heart, but my wife has always been very Crowley about the holidays. Working retail 3 years killed a lot of my holiday cheer, but I still have a deep love for the holidays. Hopefully the rest of these are a bit less cynical.
> 
> Also, is this post or pre-confession? I don't know. I'm serious, this series is going to be it's own universe, mostly, and this universe's ineffable husbands haven't told me yet.


End file.
